The healing journey is painful, for the ultimate goal of feeling the joy. This is my belief. And some days, I need reassurance. Healers don’t take their job lightly, but sometimes they need to be reminded they’re on the right path.
“Why does it seem like the more I practice this awareness thing, the more I suffer?” I asked a fellow healer friend one day as I followed him down the Billy Goat Trail. The deep conversations are something I often crave; a mirror to gaze into to help me with the clarity I seek.
“Well, maybe you’re meant to go deeper?” He suggested. “Maybe the deeper suffering also means deeper joy.”
“When you numb the pain, you also numb the joy.” Brene Brown
“Yeah but…” I stopped myself. Funny how you always but yourself when you’re about to make an excuse for not taking responsibility for your life.
“Okay,” I said instead. “Then how do I know for sure that it’s all going to be worth it? That I’m not going to get stuck in that pit once I decide to go there and wallow in it in the name of healing?”
“Have you ever been so stuck you didn’t pull yourself back out?” He asked.
“No,” I answered.
“Haven’t you always seen the purpose behind the moment, even if it took a while to get to it?” He continued.
You don’t always know the reason behind the moment. It’s all perfection. It’s all happening for you.
“Yes, but…” There I went again, butting myself.
I paused and thought, I’ll never really know the full why of this journey, I just have to trust I’m here for a good reason and carry on.
I caught myself staring down at the thin trail we trekked and remembered to look up at where we were headed; a boulder marking the half-way point. Stubbing my boot on a root I caught myself. “Fuck,” I whispered.
“You okay back there?” My friend continued without looking back.
“Yeah, thanks,” I said, reminding myself that deep thought and hiking boulders might need to be separated events.
Taking a long, deep breath, audible to my friend, I couldn’t help myself and asked another question.
“How do you know you’re doing what you’re meant to do? How do you know it’s worth it? How do you wake up every day and feel, knowing you’re going to have to feel the pain if you want to feel the joy?”
“It’s the pain that always brings me to the next level,” he said. “It’s the pain that always helps me release another layer resting on my heart.” “It’s the pain that always leads me to a greater joy.” He paused and then said, “I trust it.”
Trust your pain to bring you to the next layer of healing.
“I’m not sure I trust it yet,” I said. “Haven’t we been through enough of it now?” I asked. “Haven’t we paid our dues?”
“Problem is, we think the joy is a destination to get to and that that means the end of pain,” he went on. “Fact is, there will always be pain. A soul lives with lifetimes of it. If we think we’re in this to fix it and get to a place of perfect bliss without pain, we’re fooling ourselves.”
“Yes,” I agreed.
“Facing the pain is the easiest and fastest way through it. Delaying that process only creates more pain. Holding onto it takes energy.” He explained.
“Yes, I get that,” and before I could say ‘but’ I paused, glad to have the awareness this time.
“So there’s really no getting out of the pain except to feel it, honor it and move through it?” I repeated the idea, already knowing the answer.
“Right,” he confirmed.
“And that is what we’re here to teach as healers?” I tried to confirm.
“I think so,” he said.
“Facilitating that process of awareness, helping people back into their body to feel, and holding that space to both witness them, and bathe them in a loving energy,” he said as I stopped on the trail and rubbed my chest with my palm.
With awareness we have a choice.
“Why us?” I wondered out loud.
“Because we can handle it,” he said.
“I don’t want this job some days,” I admitted.
“I get that,” he said, taking the last step up on top of the boulder that was our goal for the day.
Healers have a particularly important calling to walk the walk of healing so they can lead the way for others.
I stepped up to stand beside my friend overlooking the tree-lined river and down at the rushing water below when we both swung our heads up following a hawk gliding over the treetops and landing on one near us.
“A hawk,” I said softly.
“Yes,” he said.
“I’m on the right path,” I said.
“I think so,” he said.
I believe that when we open up conversations about healing we give ourselves opportunity for more awareness. When we practice awareness we have more choices to live in a way that helps us feel good, go for the joy and move toward the end of our lives knowing our meaning in it. I choose awareness, even on the tough days, because it’s always worth the pain in the end. It always leads me to love.
What does healing mean to you?
Laura Di Franco, MPT is the owner of Brave Healer Productions and a powerhouse who writes to Feng Shui her soul. She’s the author of Brave Healing, a Guide for Your Journey, her sixth book to help inspire your fiercely alive whole self. Join her and write words that build your business and heal the world. Schedule a call at www.BraveHealer.com