5 Things Women Need to Know About How to Feel Fearless, Confident and Worthy, from a 50 Year Old Female Black Belt
I was probably born fearless but I quickly learned as a young girl not to speak unless spoken to and that being bad had consequences. Fear, shame and unworthiness became my lifelong wounds to heal. I’d rediscover my worth through a decades-long healing journey including the quest for my black belt, allowing me to circle back around to thriving fearlessly in a life I love.
Here’re 5 black belt level things I want women to know about taking back their power, confidence and worth, and why it doesn’t have to take a lifetime to live the life of freedom you crave.
1. You were born, so you matter
2. You have a unique purpose and mission in this world
3. What’s in your way (hint; it’s you) is easier to tackle than you think
4. Fear’s just a feeling to notice
5. The way through is doing what you think you can’t
Each of these five things brought me to the place I dwell today; a life I wake up feeling grateful, excited and inspired in every morning. They were hard-won for me, but don’t have to be for you. You’re waking up. You know these things. Let these be the words that tip you over the edge and get you to actually live the way you desire, right now. Let this be your final wake up call to do the work that’ll change your life — and the world.
- You matter. Stop doubting it and start speaking up your heart, your soul and your ideas to the people who’ll listen. Pick people who have similar dreams and ideas to hang out with and start ditching the rest. Have lunch with these people more often. Watch how your life starts to feel more and more inspiring. When I began to train in the dojang, these badass people became a steadfast family who weren’t willing to let me be small. Black belt level relationships mean you choose the ones who lift you up and you practice saying no to the toxic ones. No apologies.
- You have a unique and important purpose. Stop doubting it and practice giving yourself some time to dream bigger. Your desires are the sacred breadcrumbs to follow. The stuff that lights you up, tunes you in and turns you on? That’s the golden ticket to your purpose. Think joy. Think bliss. Think gratitude. Think love. Your purpose is to feel good. Stop doing things you hate and start doing things you love. In the martial arts the practice is a way of life. What and how you practice is who you become. Black belt level living means you’re choosing what feels good more than what feels bad, even if that feels hard or uncomfortable.
- You are the only thing in the way of the life you crave. Start taking responsibility for everything in your life. It’s up to you. There’s nobody else to blame. Your thoughts, beliefs and actions are under your control. Practice awareness of the mind and body — it’s the key to having choices. When you become aware of what you need to do, then the only thing in your way is going to be your thoughts. In the martial arts awareness is crucial. The practice forces me into my aware mind and body and out of my over-thinking, fearful head. Black belt level thinking and being means you’re awake and aware- that you show up for the moments of your life and choose thoughts, beliefs and actions that serve your better health and wealth. It means you unapologetically align with the things that create joy, even when you’re afraid of what others will think.
- Fear is excitement without the breath. It’s got a feeling like any other emotion. When you break fear down into sensation and the thinking baggage you’ve piled on top of it, you’ll realize you can use it, instead of letting it paralyze you. Fear can be a compass — to point you toward the exact thing you need to do to take a step toward freedom. In the dojang were told, “Discipline the mind, the body will follow,” Master John L. Holloway. My master reminds me it’s what I’m thinking about fear that’s causing my paralysis. We practice doing things we think we can’t do; spar a larger opponent, break a board, or remember the choreography of twenty different forms. The point is not the success or failure, it’s the attempt. And we leave knowing we can do things, even when we’re afraid. Black belt level awareness means we feel fear and respond instead of react. Awareness is the secret to overcoming fear.
- Take the action. At some point you take a deep breath and you jump off the cliff. You set up your first speaking gig. You ask for your raise. You tell your spouse you don’t want to be married anymore. You publish the blog that tells your truth. It’s the momentum of the action that’ll bring you through the wall of fire of fear and over to the other side, where you can pause and look back and realize how thin the wall really was. On the mat we’re not really given the opportunity to sit down, stop or quit. We’re expected to act, fear or no fear. We learn to move with our fear. To fight it by taking the action, by breathing with it. Black belt level action means you do it with the fear, with the feeling of nausea, or the feeling your legs won’t function, or the belief you’ll fail. You learn fear can be a friend — to help you gain the confidence and worth you were born with — to do everything you were meant to do in your life!
There truly is no such thing as failure. A black belt knows the day she earns her belt that it’s about what she doesn’t know — that it’s about the journey. With courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self-control and an indomitable spirit she lives her life knowing she’s here to make a difference. And she does. Time to level up.
Grab my new eBook: 7 Badass Habits for Next Level Living — Free today! HERE!
Laura Di Franco, MPT is a holistic physical therapist, published author, poet, blogger and black belt with over two decades of experience in healing. Her transformational programs combine the tools of body awareness and therapeutic writing to help you learn the language of your intuition and gain the clarity you crave for your life and business. Laura’s enthusiasm is contagious and the spark that’ll inspire you to make the change you’ve been afraid to make. She’s the sherpa you’ve been looking for! Want a workshop that’ll give you practical powerful tools you can use today? Find them at www.BraveHealer.com And more free inspiration on my Facebook page HERE.