5 Inner Critic Messages Sabotaging Your Joy and What to Believe Instead
Esther Hicks reminds us desire’s the seed of all creation. It’s why we’re here, to want what we want and create a life we feel good in. Our “rockets of desire” shoot out into the Universe and the Universe hears the call. It’s our one job to selfishly thrive; to follow, align and vibrate with things that feel good.
The message in our head tells us the opposite.
We’ve been taught wanting is greedy. To focus on the needs of others first; that that will create a worthy, worthwhile, honest life. We’ve been taught we’re bad if we want more. And that we’ll go to Hell if we don’t do what’s right.
We’ve been taught wrong and the inner critic messages we listen to and believe are worth exploring. Noticing and understanding them will change everything.
Somewhere along the line I learned wanting more was greedy. That helping others should come before me, that wanting more meant I wasn’t grateful for what I have, that my desires aren’t as important as the needs of others, and I was a bad mom if I prioritized my desires over caring for my kids.
After following those rules for a couple decades I was left “having everything” but feeling exhausted, unhappy and resentful. It didn’t make sense. I did what my momma told me, and I felt like I was in prison.
After learning about awareness and about my inner critic, I realized the rules I followed were someone else’s. I learned they didn’t all apply to me and they weren’t the end-all when it came to joy.
I had to unlearn what I was taught and go on an adventure of discovering the truth, my truth, even when I was judged harshly for it. Even when everyone else said something different. Even when someone didn’t like the way I was doing things and told me so. Even when that person was my mother, father, teacher, boss, coach or best friend.
Understanding my inner critic messages would be the key to unlocking my prison cell. The courage to pursue my dreams and desires would be the secret to feeling I’d finally arrived in a life I was meant to live.
Here are 5 inner critic messages you need to notice, analyze and ditch to help you realize wanting more’s what you were born for and the path to living a fulfilling, joyful, healthy and purposeful life.
1. Wanting more is greedy. Actually, wanting is natural, and how dreams come true. Not wanting things is abnormal. You’re a co-creator of your life. Wanting is how you create. Don’t let anyone make you think differently. Time to let go of this ancient, sabotaging belief and choose something that serves your joy.
Notice this inner critic voice from outside yourself, by using awareness to take a step back and analyze it. How do you know this is true? Who taught you? Recognize your thoughts and beliefs come from what you were told or taught by people who were told and taught by their people. What makes it true or right?
“Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right. Henry Ford
The power is in the awareness. Time to think differently.
2. Helping others should come first. Actually, if you don’t prioritize yourself first, you’ll burn out, feel exhausted, sick and resentful. And then you’ll be no good to anyone.
People-pleasers and care-takers seem to be born into this role. But it comes from seeking approval and not feeling our worth as a birth right. This awareness will be life-changing. Stand up inside your worthiness and recognize you have one person to take care of first; you.
When you’re happy, healthy and fulfilled, your cup is overflowing. You’ll be able to serve well from this overflow, never limiting the energy and abundance coming to you. When you’re tired, a little sick or resentful, you’ll be serving from reserves at best and there’s a limit to your ability to serve without seriously compromising your health, wellness and joy.
Fill your own cup first. Get it to overflow. Then feel how wonderful sharing and giving your time, energy and resources starts to feel.
3. Wanting more means I’m not grateful. Actually, both can happen. Feeling grateful’s the path to feeling good. So gratitude comes first. But your desires are okay too. And changing your mind is natural. In fact, you can expect your desires to change and expand as you go.
Being grateful for what you have helps you feel good now. Wanting something more or new will help you align and fine tune with joy on an ongoing basis.
It’s possible to be grateful and reach for more.
“The reason you want every single thing you want is because you think you’ll feel really good when you get there. But if you don’t feel really good on your way to there, you can’t get there. You have to be satisfied with what is while you’re reaching for more.” Abraham Hicks
4. What I desire doesn’t matter, compared to other people’s needs. This’s a version of “wanting more is greedy,” and actually, your desires matter because you were born. In fact it’s your desires and the pursuit of them that changes and heals the world. Ignoring your own desires will turn you into a zombie.
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Howard Thurman
Following, aligning with and pursuing your desires does not mean you don’t help people along the way. It just means you realize the pursuit of your dreams and desires is the way you help others. In other words, you’ll help most when you’re pursuing your own desires!
5. Going after my desires is irresponsible (Makes me a bad mother/friend/wife, etc..) What about my kids? You wonder. Well, the best and most important thing you can do for the people you care about the most is take care of your own health and happiness. Because like the “other people’s needs matter more” bit, if you ignore your own for too long, you’ll be a hot, sick, resentful mess. Ick.
What you’re teaching your kids by pursuing your desires and dreams is that their own matter too. You’re teaching them to live a healthy, happy, purposeful life. You can’t teach them this important thing if you’re teaching them everyone else comes before your own desires. You teach by example; by the way you’re living every day.
What’s truly responsible, brave and world-changing is the ability to go for what makes you happy and healthy while taking care of business — the kids, the dishes, etc… You can do both. Your happiness and health do not have to be your sacrifice. You might just think they do. Problem is if you sacrifice your own health and happiness, you risk dying with serious regrets.
“Oh my God, what if you wake up some day, and you’re 65 or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written; or you didn’t go swimming in warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly and your had a nice big comfortable tummy; and you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big, juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It’s going to break your heart. Don’t let this happen.” Anne Lamott
Don’t let this happen. Don’t allow someone else’s rules to keep you stuck. What feels good? Your desires are sacred breadcrumbs that’ll lead you to joy. You were born to follow that trail!
Laura Di Franco, MPT is an expert holistic physical therapist, published author, poet, blogger and black belt with over two decades of experience in healing. Her transformational programs combine the empowering tools of body awareness and therapeutic writing to help you learn the language of your intuition and gain the clarity you crave for your life and business. Laura’s enthusiasm is contagious and the spark that’ll inspire you to make the change you’ve been afraid to make. She’s the sherpa you’ve been looking for! Want a workshop that’ll give you practical powerful tools you can use to heal yourself today? Find them at www.BraveHealer.com Find more free inspiration on my Facebook page HERE.