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3 Ways Being Selfish will Improve Your Life, Even though Your Mother Will Make You Feel Guilty

After I started to experience chest pain and then panic attacks after separating from my husband last year I decided to get a lot more selfish about my physical, mental and emotional wellbeing, even though I had two kids and a healing business to manage.

In fact, getting unapologetically selfish would be the solution to not just surviving the worst year of my life, but coming out on the other end of it happier, healthier, free and thriving — and able to take care of my responsibilities.

A people-pleasing, care-giving, perfectionistic, type A, healer gal like myself doesn’t usually do well taking care of herself. I was my own worst client — until I realized the secret and had to change my tune in order to walk my walk. Over the years I managed to stay fit and happy, enough. I became a mediocre role model when I started to get sick, burned out and resentful.

What I know now is proper care-taking of my body, mind and soul takes a lot more time, energy, effort and unapologetic selfishness than I was at first willing to admit. Bottom line? I needed way more sleep, time to myself, relaxation/meditation time, nourishing food, exercise and physical touch/intimacy than I was getting to feel happy and healthy.

It was time to get more selfish, put myself first and thrive so everyone around me, including my kids, clients, family and friends could benefit and I could feel really good, happy and healthy every single day.

And if we’re not here to experience health and joy, then what the heck are we doing here?

But doesn’t the word selfish make you squirm a little? I mean we’re taught early on to avoid being that at all costs, that unless we’re doing good deeds for others, saying yes to everything asked of us, and sharing what we have, we must be bad.

Hey, go get your own chocolate chip cookie! This one’s mine, mine, mine!

I can hear my mother now…”Don’t be selfish! Share that with your sister right now!” Not only was I taught not to be selfish, I learned there were bad consequences if I was. My Mom was just teaching me what she was taught.

So really, I’m not talking Kindergarten here and it’s time to unlearn some things. Because the idea of prioritizing everyone and everything else is burning us out and worse, making us sick and miserable.

The idea is to live healthily and joyfully, right? Feel like that’s impossible? Too tired, spent, pulled in five directions at once, barely eating your microwaved chicken tenders before you’re out the door again?

Something’s gotta give. And believe me, you don’t want it to be your heart, so listen up! Being selfish is good for you!

In fact it’s the only real, good, responsible thing you can do for yourself, your health and your happiness. Time to redefine selfish and understand that self-care is crucial to you living the life you crave.

Caring for yourself before anyone else — yes including the kids — is necessary sometimes. And you don’t want your body, mind or soul to have to break down and land you in the hospital before you get this.

Stop caring for others (or re-prioritize) until you feel great, energized, happy, healthy and overflowing. Do what you need to do, now. Practice saying no a few times. Practice asking for help! Don’t wait for chest pain, and then ignore it until it turns into panic attacks, like I did. Don’t wait until you’re crying in a heap on the floor, paralyzed, feeling like you’re suffocating.

Listen to the call of your soul first, now and every single day. Hint: she’s talking through feeling, emotion, sensation and intuition. Get really good at learning that language and then listen!

Here are three more ways being selfish will improve your life:

  1. You’ll find your voice. Prioritizing yourself and your health and happiness will require some deep diving, intense healing and fierce self-reflection. You’ll find your voice and use it and your worth will never be the same, in a good way.
  2. You’ll get your energy back! When things fell into place after I got badass on my own self-care the amount of energy I experienced was incredible. Who knew all that doing for everyone else was depleting me that much! To hang with me now requires some stamina — because I’m flying high on joy, gratitude, abundance and basic awesomeness. Yes, all from putting myself first.
  3. You’ll attract what you desire! When you focus on your health, joy, and wellbeing this amazing, magical thing happens…you attract more things that bring health, joy, and wellbeing. The problem before is you thought serving everyone else before yourself and “being good” was what you were supposed to do. Only it didn’t feel good. When you begin to do, say and feel good — you’re going do, say and feel more goodness!

Being selfish is good for you — and everyone else too! Don’t let anyone else tell you different. Not your husband, not your mom, not your best friend. Protect yourself, your desires, your schedule and your joy by making you the first on your list, a little bit, and then more and more every day.

When you’re finally living on your own terms, you’ll feel a shift and you’ll be able to serve from a place of abundant overflow, with a huge smile on your face, every single day. And by doing that — you change the world!

Laura Di Franco, MPT is a holistic physical therapist, published author, poet, blogger and black belt with over two decades of experience in healing. Her transformational programs combine the empowering tools of body awareness and therapeutic writing to help you learn the language of your intuition and gain the clarity you crave for your life and business. Laura’s enthusiasm is contagious and the spark that’ll inspire you to make the change you’ve been afraid to make. She’s the sherpa you’ve been looking for! Want a workshop that’ll give you practical powerful tools you can use today? Find them at And more free inspiration on my Facebook page.

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